We were added to the waiting list for the referral of an infant boy born in Vietnam.
Wow. 8 months. It seems like such a significant amount of time. Looking back to when we had just begun this process I thought 8 months would be bringing us close to our son. I would think a head to 6 months and 9 months and get so excited thinking it wouldn't be too much longer, but now I realize we have many, many, many more months to go.
Lets pray that the MOU situation will be worked out if not by September, soon after. We should know one way or the other by March. I am very anxious. What will we do if they don't resign? Last I checked about a month ago we were #127 on the waiting list. I doubt we will get the call to start our dossier before the Sept 1st cut off. Rich and I are the people that the DOS was warning. We have been officially and actively involved in this adoption for 11 months, yet the only progress we have made is to slowly move up a waiting list. A waiting list to get on another waiting list. A wait which by the way has been extended 3 times since we have been added. Ugh. What do we do? If they don't resign I guess we could wait it out and pray that the suspension of adoptions isn't very long and that the VG does continue to complete adoptions for those who have their dossiers logged in and those who have referrals. That way we would at least continue to climb the waiting list we are on. Ideally the MOU would be resigned with in a year or less and by that time our agency would have received referrals and it would be close to our time anyway.
But what if the suspension is as long as it was before? What if it is 2 years, 3 years??
And at what point do we say we have waited long enough? After one year? Gosh, the idea of being so financially and even more emotionally involved in this adoption and investing so much time in WAITING, just to have to jump ship and start all over again with a different program is so very scary.
I know it sounds cliché, but Richard and I feel connected to a child that hasn't even been born. He has a name, he has a crib, he has clothes, he has books, he has toys. We have taken several classes and spent countless hours reading, watching and researching the best way to love and care for an adopted child. I have spent many nights praying for him and his birth mother. So this adoption has to happen, right? I mean we will bring home a son, OUR son, right??
Were we silly to be so excited when our application was accepted? Was I silly to announce to family and friends we were adopting our child from Vietnam? Were we silly to give him a name to make him feel more real? Was it silly of us to buy and paint his crib and dresser? Is it silly of me to day dream of having him in our arms? Was it silly of us to get so excited? I almost feel foolish sometimes.
As far as preparing for him I feel like maybe we did too much too fast. When we signed up I felt sure that we would have him home in a year and half, easy. Now I feel we will be extremely blessed to even have a referral by then.
I want this adoption to happen in the worst way, but I have to be honest with myself. Am I willing to wait another 2,3 years? I don't know. I want to be a mother. I want a child. And not just one either. We want a few. I am scared to wait not knowing what will happen.
But just the thought that we may have to pull out of this program makes us feel in a way like we would be betraying him. Like we are giving up on him.
I guess for now we will continue to just...wait.
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7 comments:
I think you just took all of the thoughts that have been rolling around in my head for the past couple of weeks and put them on your blog...how'd you do that? :o) I am right there with you on almost each thought. Especially the part about...were we wrong to give her a name, tell our families, purchase furniture, spend the money, get our hopes up...etc etc?? As much as I dwell on these thoughts though I have to believe that we weren't wrong. Only time will tell, but this makes the wait that was already hard..much harder! All I can do is trust in God and know that His plans are immeasurably more than our own! We can lean on each other and encourage one another!! Maybe we'll see you at CHI tonight??
Shannon, I ditto what April said. I wonder and pray a lot! I don't think we are silly though. We are waiting for our children and that brings excitement! If you ever want to talk, let me know. I am willing to listen. We all need to lean on each other!
Oh Shannon, I too feel the same things. I still feel so foolish about getting excited about the adoption. It seems like every time I get excited, I am only let down. I thought by now we would be closer to our son too, but now I have no idea what will happen and even if we will be able to complete our adoption. Every milestone, even the dossier, brings more stress instead of relief and excitement. The thought of starting over makes my stomach turn and my heart sink, especially this far into the process.
The truth is, you should feel excited about expecting to bring a child into your home. They should have a room, and name, and a special place in your heart. I sometimes feel like I have known River my whole life, and the thought of not ever meeting him breaks my heart. I wish I had words of comfort to offer you, but just know you are not alone. I truly believe we will all come out of this experience as better human beings who are enlightened to the suffering of humankind after knowing so much suffering ourselves. If you ever need to talk or vent, we are all here to listen.
I know it is hard. Keep praying and everything that is meant to happen will happen. It is quite possible for you guys to make it in time for September and I will keep you in my prayers.
Cathy
HANG IN THERE!!! God has you right where you need to be! Your little one has already been chosen for you and God is taking you to him! I know it is EXTREMELY hard to wait, be patience, and keep the faith, but that is what needs to be done... trust me, I know!!
I was very sad when we found out that we would have to wait 3 years after John's chemo to reapply to the Vietnam program, but that is what it is! We still plan on adopting from Vietnam, but we are also going to go another route because we want to be parents and not wait another 5 years to see that happen!!!
Hope this helps!!!
Although, we really haven't done much in the way of preparing the nursery, I can so relate to much of your post!
Waiting is so hard. I feel for you. I hope you hear some good news soon. I hope we all do. I am in Canada so the MOU is not relevent for me but the struggles in VN adoption right now have us all concerned.
I am thinking of all the children in VN and all the waiting families in the USA. I hope it all works out right.
Anyhow, just found your blog. thought i'd say hi :) we are waiting 10 months and are 7 months DTV. I really hope we have a referral in the next few months.
leslie
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